dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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