Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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