I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
