I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
