I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
