you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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