He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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