OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
