I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
