I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
