drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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