i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
