I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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