oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
