Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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