idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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