After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
this is an emotional support booty call
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
