At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
