Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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