shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
