Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
