I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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