So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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