I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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