this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
