shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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