Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
