She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Randomize
