I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
