you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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