R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
