my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
