the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
