Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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