I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
