I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
