pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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