he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
