She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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