He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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