At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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