the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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