just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
