No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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