Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
