Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
