I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
