Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
