You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
