he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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